James 3:
8 But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.
9 Therewith bless we God, even the Father; and therewith curse we men, which are made after the similtude of God.
10 Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be.
Why do words hurt so much; I guess because the tongue is such an "unruly evil, full of deadly poison."
I've been dealing with something for a few days now. On Monday night a relative came to visit for dinner, and I always have to emotionally prepare for her, because for as long as I remember, almost every time I see her, she insults my weight or appearance. I don't even think she knows she's doing it, but it's gotten to the point where I avoid contact, because I just don't want to hear it.
I don't remember a lot about my childhood. Call it selective memory, or just really bad long term memory. My sister is always shocked when I don't remember something from growing up, but you know what I do remember? The insults.
I remember my freshman year, a boy walking by while I was cheerleading, and he said I was too fat to be a cheerleader (I think I've mentioned this one before)
I remember being told that I would be a "knock out" if I would just lose 50 pounds, as though my beauty was completely dependent upon my size.
I remember being told that I would get a record deal if I would just lose some weight, as though my talent was directly related to my size.
I remember this particular relative I'm speaking about telling me, "If you're not going to lose "the weight" you might as well dress different", as though my sense of style was lacking because of my size.
I remember the last time I spent time with this relative, she put a piece of cake down on the table in front of me and then quickly picked it up and said, "I better not leave this in front of Amy, she might eat it," implying that I don't have the self control to not steal her cake and eat it when I already had my own.
Why do I have to remember these things? Why do they haunt me? If I let myself dwell on all the horrible things people have said to me, I would literally be depressed all the time.
Why do people, especially "Christians" think they have the right to insult you and then call it "being honest" or "telling the truth?" Well, the truth is, Christians are mean. I've had more Christians insult my for my outer appearance then anyone else. I wouldn't talk to a stranger the way some people talk to me...
Anyways, back to Monday night. This particular relative came over, and I braced myself; waiting for the backhanded compliment, or out right insult. And then a strange thing happened. She took my face in her hands when I went to hug her hello, and she said, "Oh Amy, doesn't her little face always just glow? Such beautiful skin." And then she kissed me hello. My heart nearly skipped a beat. It was a compliment, with no insult attached. I thought to myself, maybe she's changing, maybe I don't have to fear her tongue any more.
Then she turned to my hubby, grabbed his belly with both hands and said, "Are you having a baby?"
He walked away and called her a mean old lady. I don't think she heard him, but the rest of us did.
I didn't write this today to upset my relatives, but it's really hard to have an honest blog about how I really feel, when I have family that treats me like that. Besides, I don't think she even knows about the blog. And would it be so bad if she did read it? Maybe she would see how her words are so hurtful, and maybe she would change.
Anyways, I'm trying really hard to break free of the bondage that words have caused me my whole life. The only words I need to worry about are God's words, and He thinks I'm pretty fabulous looking! :) I just needed to get that off my chest.
thanks
amy
Why do words hurt so much; I guess because the tongue is such an "unruly evil, full of deadly poison."
I've been dealing with something for a few days now. On Monday night a relative came to visit for dinner, and I always have to emotionally prepare for her, because for as long as I remember, almost every time I see her, she insults my weight or appearance. I don't even think she knows she's doing it, but it's gotten to the point where I avoid contact, because I just don't want to hear it.
I don't remember a lot about my childhood. Call it selective memory, or just really bad long term memory. My sister is always shocked when I don't remember something from growing up, but you know what I do remember? The insults.
I remember my freshman year, a boy walking by while I was cheerleading, and he said I was too fat to be a cheerleader (I think I've mentioned this one before)
I remember being told that I would be a "knock out" if I would just lose 50 pounds, as though my beauty was completely dependent upon my size.
I remember being told that I would get a record deal if I would just lose some weight, as though my talent was directly related to my size.
I remember this particular relative I'm speaking about telling me, "If you're not going to lose "the weight" you might as well dress different", as though my sense of style was lacking because of my size.
I remember the last time I spent time with this relative, she put a piece of cake down on the table in front of me and then quickly picked it up and said, "I better not leave this in front of Amy, she might eat it," implying that I don't have the self control to not steal her cake and eat it when I already had my own.
Why do I have to remember these things? Why do they haunt me? If I let myself dwell on all the horrible things people have said to me, I would literally be depressed all the time.
Why do people, especially "Christians" think they have the right to insult you and then call it "being honest" or "telling the truth?" Well, the truth is, Christians are mean. I've had more Christians insult my for my outer appearance then anyone else. I wouldn't talk to a stranger the way some people talk to me...
Anyways, back to Monday night. This particular relative came over, and I braced myself; waiting for the backhanded compliment, or out right insult. And then a strange thing happened. She took my face in her hands when I went to hug her hello, and she said, "Oh Amy, doesn't her little face always just glow? Such beautiful skin." And then she kissed me hello. My heart nearly skipped a beat. It was a compliment, with no insult attached. I thought to myself, maybe she's changing, maybe I don't have to fear her tongue any more.
Then she turned to my hubby, grabbed his belly with both hands and said, "Are you having a baby?"
He walked away and called her a mean old lady. I don't think she heard him, but the rest of us did.
I didn't write this today to upset my relatives, but it's really hard to have an honest blog about how I really feel, when I have family that treats me like that. Besides, I don't think she even knows about the blog. And would it be so bad if she did read it? Maybe she would see how her words are so hurtful, and maybe she would change.
Anyways, I'm trying really hard to break free of the bondage that words have caused me my whole life. The only words I need to worry about are God's words, and He thinks I'm pretty fabulous looking! :) I just needed to get that off my chest.
thanks
amy
8 comments:
I also said just because you are year older that doesn't mean that you get to say rude things to people! :) I Love you baby just the way you are!!!
~jake
Just because someone claims to be a Christian doesn't mean they have any tact or common sense. I don't think people even realize they do this when they say things to people who struggle with our weight. I've heard thin people say the same thing when people comment on how skinny they are because they don't always think that's a compliment either. You truly are beautiful and it's obvious you have a loving husband who loves you just the way you are!
I struggle in this way with my Mother-in-law. Only she isn't consistent. She is often times very nice so when the mean words come out they are especially hurtful because I've forgotten to "brace myself".
I love your honesty. I love your integrity, and I think you are very beautiful.
Amy...I've been wanting to write to you but I'm out here in Nashville on vacation and my internet connection is tough to get. I'm going to try again to get this to you...
First...I missed you out here on the 12th (I think!) and won't be back to my home in time to see you guys on the 25th at Loma Linda. I miss you!!!!!! I'm so sorry I won't get to tell you this face to face. I have loved your messages on here. You are genuine. You are honest. You are BEAUTIFUL. Your heart is overflowing...I can tell just from your writing. I consider you my friend, even if we've only met one time. I feel for your, girl...I am where you are with some of my family and friends, too. I pray that God would touch your person...our people...the ones who just have such thoughtless words and actions. I pray that we never react by pointing out their "flaws" in retaliation and hurt. I pray that we see ourselves as who God made us, and know that God is holding us, carrying us, weight and all, through these little cloud bursts of yuck. I rebuke any negative comments and actions toward these people and our feelings!! Speak truth from your lips, Amy...you ARE beautiful, your husband obviously loves you, and God loves you even more than that. Think on these things, my friend.
And know that some crazy woman from southern Cali thinks about you so very often and is so proud of you for who you are!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Much love to you...
Kathy~
My grandmother constantly compares me to my brother and talks about how much "bigger" I am than he is. :(
It's really inconsiderate, but on the plus side I really don't think people would say things like that, intending for them to be mean.
I'm not saying it's good to just sit and take it . . . but if it's not a big deal to them, why should what they say be a big deal to us?
Oh! And I hope you post those pictures you had made a few weeks ago.
OH AMY,
I am so glad you shared that! Family, the ones who are sposed to love and accept us unconditionally are the ones who reject us the most. It hurts more then anything cause they are the ones we see and have more contact with than anyone. And they ARE our familyand it creates deep seeded issues that gives satan a foothold on us when we are adults.
My blood family contact has been severed mostly because of this. Thats why I have tried to adopt other children of God in their place b/c I need the support of a family that loves me and accepts me. I love you like a sister in Christ should, and I pray that God will allow you to grow from this for the benefit of others.
your sis in Christ,
Jo
So much damage done by people, "speaking the truth...in love?" God help us all. I applaud your bravery in being so honest about the struggles with weight and critical spirits! Keep your eyes on Jesus and God will do exceedingly and abundantly all that you can ever ask or imagine.
I'm praying for you...and praying for a bridle on the mouth of the relative!
Muzzle that woman because, girl, you are beautiful! You are hilarious, talented, and beautiful! I love when I get to be around you. You put people at ease and are a joy...
I had a close relative that was very hurtful and spiteful with her words, purposefully. Took me years to release the hurt those words caused.
btw...didn't know you had a blog! Just found it somehow
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