180...

Well, I was thinking about how difficult weight loss is for me and probably every one else in the world. It seems like no matter how hard I try, I keep gaining. There was one time when I lost a lot of weight, and I was really happy. I weighed about 180 pounds, so I was still chunky, but I was “poppin’” as I like to put it. I managed to keep that size until my wedding at least, so I’m pretty hot in all my wedding photos. Anyways, it seems to me like 180 is so far away.

As I was thinking about the 180 pounds I used to weigh, and how much I would love to be that size again, I thought about what I might have to do to get there. I was thinking, “I’m going to have to do a 180 if I ever want to weigh 180”. My lifestyle is completely going to have to change (this is the part that sucks). For instance, two days ago I went grocery shopping, I bought vegetables, fruit, popcorn, and all healthy frozen dinners for my lunches. The only really indulgent thing I bought was a bag of potato chips. I was so very proud of myself. Then yesterday I had dinner at the mall and bought a Cinnabon. Today was someone’s birthday at work, so I justified the Ice Cream Cake in lieu of breakfast, especially since I had overslept and missed that particular meal. Then I topped the afternoon off with PF Chang’s honey chicken.

It seems like I have good intentions, then real life gets in the way. How do you say “no” to Cinnabon and birthday cake? Like I said, I’m going to have to pull a “180” to make anything happen. As a Christian I have heard it preached that repentance of our sins is also like pulling a “180”. It’s not just asking for forgiveness and then returning to the lifestyle we once knew. We have to turn around and go the opposite direction to avoid repeating the cycle of sin we were used to. So I was thinking, maybe my entire way of viewing food is like the “cycle of sin” that people seem to get stuck in when they first experience Christ but can’t seem to stay in His will. In order to walk in right relationship with God after we ask Jesus into our hearts we have to continuously renew our mind.

Romans 12:2, “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”

If any man be in Christ he is a new creation, but it is our responsibility to read the Word, spend time in prayer, spend time in worship to be renewed.

So, I thought I would approach this weight loss crisis of mine, just like a spiritual crisis. I know how to read my Bible, I know how to pray, and I know how to worship. So maybe if I apply all that I know about walking with God, to really trying to become a healthier person, I won’t fail this time. I’m going to ask God how I can be a healthier me. I’m going to research different nutritional avenues to see what works best for me. I’ve tried Weight Watchers, I’ve tried Slimfast, I’ve dieted my whole life, and I’ve never been successful. This time I’m trying God. I know He doesn’t care if I’m skinny or fat. But I also know that He has a calling for me and things for me to accomplish, and for those things, I need to be healthier.

Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

Well I want to be healthy in that future, so I’m pulling a “180” so I can reach 180.

Amy

In the beginning...

So...I'm not much of a "blogger". In fact, I mis-spell words, write in run-on sentences, and forget to start new paragraphs when I'm on a roll. However, the Holy Spirit has been dealing with me on an issue for some months now, and I must admit, I have procrastinated in obeying.

Let me start with who I am, then we'll go to why I'm here...

My name is Amy Perry, I sing in an amazing Christian group named Selah. It is my dream job, and I'm blessed and honored to get to do it. I get to sing about God for a living and it's great.

I am married, to Jacob Perry, the cutest guy I know. We will celebrate 5 years this November. He is my best friend; he makes me laugh; he's brilliant (in that really nerdy way that makes you mad because he know almost everything); he loves God; and he loves me.

I am an Auntie. I am outgoing. I am goofy. I am a gamer (MMORPG's and XBox 360).

I am 265 pounds and miserable; but miserable about the poundage, not anything else. This is the first time I've ever told anyone my weight. Not even my husband knows the exact number.

Now, to why I'm here. I am here because my weight has fluctuated between 180 and 265 pounds off an on my whole life. I gain it; I lose it. And it makes me miserable. I've been praying about how to finally lose some weight and keep it off for so long now, sometimes it feels like I shouldn't even bother, and then something happened...I felt the Holy Spirit leading me to write about it. First let me say, that I didn't hear an audible voice or anything like that. It was just this nudging in my spirit, over and over every time I prayed about my weight. The problem is, I'm not a writer. I'm a talker. I have friends who have amazing blogs, and I love to read them, not write them.

So, I've procrastinated. But not just because I'm queen of un-ending sentences, but because I started to realize what it means. If I start writing about it, then I actually have to do it, and I think that as much as I've wanted to lose weight, I never wanted it enough to actually try hard at it. Writing it here means that you can write to me. It means that you can help to hold me accountable. It means that if I say I'm going to work out tomorrow, I need to work our tomorrow or I have to log in and tell you all that I'm lazy. It means being responsible, and I haven't been ready for that; until today.

My hope for this blog is that people who deal with weight issues, or have dealt with weight issues would post. I want there to be accountability in my life, I want to be an accountability in your life. I want to know how you lost weight, tips on what to do, what not to do. I want to know that I'm not the only person in the world who loves myself until I look in a mirror, and then something happens inside me and the self-loathing takes over. I want to know that I'm not the only person in the world who sets out to eat fruit and salad and ends up eating half a pizza instead. I want help. I want accountability. I want to be healthier.

Let me end this by saying, that I know that God made me beautiful. I know I am beautiful. My husband tells me I'm beautiful. I know all these things, and yet the insecurity is there. But above anything, I want to feel good. I want to know that my body is healthy. I want to know that I have been a good steward of the body God gave me.

Sure sounds like I want a lot of things, huh? ;)

What I don't want is negativity. If you don't have something helpful or nice to say, then please move on and post somewhere else.

Amy